So, here we have everything you wanted to know about Bum Butter but were afraid to ask.

Hi, I'm Charlie (formerly know as "Charlie the Bikemonger" a somewhat eccentric bike shop keeper beside the sea in Dorset). I now sell a chamois cream for slapping some on your undercarriage for a happy bottom while cycling.

It’s actually 100% vegan – we don’t make it out of vegans, as they are awkward to harvest…. But seriously it’s made from vegetable and nut extracts… totally 100% natural ingredients. I mean who wants to slap chemicals on their bum?

The main features are that it not only reduces friction, risk of infection, and it’s mildly anaesthetic, but it also smells awesome. What’s more, it’s “Fanny Friendly” and compatible with ladies and their wonderful parts.

The Bum Butter is made in a kitchen on the Dorset Coast, by Sharan. I then bring it up to Hebden Bridge where it gets its labels and other packaging. Again, this job is done in a cottage kitchen. This really is a cottage industry.